June 27th 2010
In NJ again. Grand mom is not doing so well. I flew in on Friday. Michele met me here. I am so upset, Grand mom does need someone here 24/7. Aunt Sonya is coming tomorrow and Michele is leaving. I cannot take care of Grand mom myself and I do not know how long I can stay.
We do not know if Grand mom has a kidney infection or is in kidney failure. Dad took her to the Dr’s on wed and the Dr. wanted her to go to the hospital but Grand mom refused to go. So, now she lay’s on the couch with a cath in her. It takes Michele and I everything we have to sit her up and lay her down.
Yesterday she asked me to take her to church, she wanted to be baptized. I asked her if she was baptized when she was younger and she said yes, so I told her that should carry her to the end and she laughed.
I told her that I could not physically take her to church it but I would call Aunt Joyce for her so they could pray. No one answered so I left a message. Joy called me back telling me her mother was in NY and would be home on Monday. Joy said she will call the church and have the church come to Grand mom. A priest came within the hour, I think that comforted Grand mom. Later in the day Aunt Joyce called and prayed with Grand mom over the phone.
Dad had hired a cna (one of Billy’s friends) to help with Grand mom. Michele and I told Grand mom that we were going to hire her male nurse and Grand mom said she wanted George Clooney. The next day a package came in the mail and Grand mom said what is that and we said it was a blow up doll of George Clooney that made her laugh. She was disappointed when it was just bandages for her leg. She had cut her leg on the coffee table the week before.
Michele and I gave grand mom a sponge bath and Michele gave her a foot rub. We even took her dentures out to clean them..It was so funny because Michele put them back in crooked and we could not get them back out. After trying several times we finally got them out and then we put them back in the right way.
Today everything is still the same. Grand mom has no energy and is not eating much. Thank God Michele thought of getting pedilight for Grand mom. That is helping her so much, trying to pump her with as much fluids as we can. Grand mom has had the cath in since Friday and no one has called or checked on it??? I do not know what is up with that. Dad and Billy went fishing this morning and are not back yet (4:42pm) I want to talk with Billy to get more information about this cath. Her pee does not look right, also she has been on antibiotics for 4 days but she is complaining of a sore throat. When we looked at it there were white lines, I do not get that part.
On the bright side I seen Joy today. I have not seen her in 20 years! She looks good; she is just a year younger than me. She brought coffee and donates and prayed with Grand mom. She said that they still had Grannies hospital bed and that we could use it. It would be a great help.
Michele talked to her boss, so she is going to stay. I am so thankful her boss is giving her the time off.
Dad and Billy came home from fishing around 6. As soon as Dad walked in the door Grand mom said she needed to talk to him. She wanted to go the hospital. Michele could not pack a bag fast enough. I got upset when my dad said to hold on a minute let’s see if this is what she really wants. Last month she fell and cracked some ribs and spent six weeks in the hospital and rehab. I think that is why she was afraid to go to the hospital.
Well, the ambulance was called and we went to the hospital. I rode in the ambulance with Grand mom and dad and Billy drove together and Michele took her car. We were in the emergency room for about two hours when Dan and Billy left. Michele and I stayed. Around 11 o’clock Grand mom wanted her medications and we were hungry. I went out to ask the nurse about her medications and to tell her we were leaving to get something to eat. The nurse said that we could not leave until Grand mom was either admitted or released and that she could have no medications until the doctor ordered it. I asked the nurse if she could tell Grand mom that because by that time Grand mom was getting aggravated. The nurse said there were only vending machines opened that time of the night. Before Michele and I went to get something to eat a nurse came in and gave grand mom a drink to drink so they could do an ultra sound. She had an hour to drink it. It was in a big stiraphfome cup. So, we got her started on drinking it then we took a break to get something to eat.
When we came back upstairs we put a chair in front of us to put our food on, Michele put Grand mom’s drink on the chair and I grabbed it and took a drink out of it! Yuck, thankfully I had an empty potato chip bag I could spit it out in.
I called my dad at 12:30 am to let him know what was going on and that a Dr. Grimm had seen Grand mom he said ok call him if needed he was going back to bed! Like Michele and I were not tired.
Grand mom finally was admitted around 3:00 am. Michele and I went up to the room with her to make sure everything was going to be ok and mostly because Grand mom did not want us to leave. When we got to the room the nurse started asking Grand mom medical questions and the lady in the next bed was answering them in her sleep! It was so funny that Michele was laughing so hard she had to leave the room.
Michele and I left the hospital around 4 am. Then back to the hospital the next morning…we got to laughing because before she went to the hospital we put some lipstick on her and the next morning she still had it on. We said we were going to give it a good makeup review.
In the mean time Aunt Sonya was on her way from Florida. For the next 9 days Grand mom was in the hospital. They did all kinds of tests, a Dr. Roach said she had a stone but when he put the tube down her throat it was only a cyst, and that she had cirossis of the liver. Where was my dad during this procedure…at the local bar. He should have been there. Aunt Sonya and Michele and I practicly lived at the hospital for 9 days.
Michele and Aunt Sonya bought Grand mom a cute teddy bear at the gift shop and Grand mom kept it in the bed with her. One day when I walked into the room her hair was standing straight up and the covers were way up to her neck and with them big black glasses I told her she looked like an owl. So the next day Michele and I brought her some scarves from home to wrap around her head. That did not work. I had wrapped one of her scarves around my neck and said “look Grand mom at what I am wearing” and she said “my scarf.” I said I would make sure I put it back when I got back to her house and she said “you don’t have too.”
Several times when we walked into Grand moms room either just arriving or coming back from getting something to eat the lady in the next room would be butt naked! That lady was so funny she knew Aunt Sonya’s name and would call it out. As soon as Grand mom saw Aunt Sonya she would start with the hearing aid. Is it in? Turn it up..It is staticy etc. One day after Sonya put it in the lady in the next bed got out of bed and her alarm went off and Grand mom said “Sonya my hearing aid is just a ringing” It was so funny. One time Grand mom said all worried, that she could not hear anything and Sonya said that is because no one is talking.
We still had no answer to what was really wrong with Grand mom. And she wanted to go home. Beth Ann Wanko an old neighbor of Grand moms (she is about my age) came into Grand mom’s room one day and she worked for a home nursing agency. Then she told me that my step sister Jackie (I have not seen her for years) worked there also and between the two of them they will see what they could do to get her home.
They even had a hospital bed delivered to Grand mom’s house. Michele and I went to get her new sheets and Michele wanted to get her a new comforter.
On our way to the hospital one morning Michele turned on the radio and a song called Grand mom’s hands by Bill Withers was playing. In one part of the song the lyrics go “Grandma's hands used to issue out a warning she'd say, Billy don't you run so fast might fall on a piece of glass”. Michele and I just looked at each other. I said if I was riding to the hospital by myself and I called you and told you about this song you would not believe me.
On July 4th when Michele and I went to the hospital Grand mom was not so good, it is like something happened over night. She was wearing a breathing mask and had very rapid breathing. Sonya said that this does not look good and that she had been through this before with her husband Dave. He died on July 4th 25 years ago from colon cancer. Sonya talked to the Doctor- I believe his name was Dr. Dunn- and he said that there was nothing to do that Grand mom’s body was shutting down.
The next day Grand mom did not know any of us. When you thought she was looking at you it was weird, it was like she was looking through you. We kept talking to her but she did not respond.
On July 6th arraignments were mad for Grand mom to come home.
Michele and I did not go to the hospital that day. We were getting her hospital bed ready and we thought she would be home by one o’clock. We waited all day. Around 7:30 the ambulance brought Grand mom home.
Michele, Billy, Dad, Aunt Sonya, Jackie, the hospice nurse and I were all there. Grand mom seemed excited I think she knew she was home. The hospice nurse asked who was going to give Grand mom her medicine and I said I thought the hospice nurses were going to do that. She said that they do not do it and Jackie said her nurse could not administer meds. So, I said I would do it. I have given medications before. I had worked for a Dr. for many years. The nurse drew up the medication and said she would show me how to do it. I followed her instructions and gave Grand mom a few drops inside her cheeks. This seemed to calm her down.
Her breathing really slowed down. I was holding her hand my brother was sitting next to me. As her breathing slowed even more I started to panic, my legs were shaking and I kept saying “Billy…Billy” and then I looked at Jackie and she said it is ok, she is relaxing. I do not remember where Michele or Aunt Sonya was; I think my Dad was in the breezeway.
Within a few minutes Grand mom stopped breathing. I totally lost it; I felt she stopped breathing because I gave her the medicine. I think Grand mom was only home for about a half hour before she died. I left the room to go find my father to tell him but all I could do was cry. We were all crying. I could not believe this was happening. I guess I thought Grand mom would live forever.
My brother called my mother, she was at the RV campground, and she came over. When the funeral home people came to get grand mom we were on the back porch and when we came in my mother had everything cleaned up. The bed was stripped and the oxygen tubes were thrown away. It was so hard to walk back into that room.
I do not remember what time Dad left; I know Billy had to drive him home. I do not even remember when my mom left. I do not remember if we even slept that night.
Dad, Aunt Sonya, Michele, Billy and I went to the funeral home the next day. We picked out Grand mom’s casket, wrote her obituary, picked out her candle and her flowers. I asked them if I printed out the memoir I wrote about Grand mom (I wrote the memoir about a year ago) if I could display it along with her mass service brochure. They said if I e-mailed it to them they would print it out for me. She died on Tuesday and her viewing was on Thursday and the service on Friday.
Later on in the day Mom, Michele and I went to J.C Penny’s to buy Grand mom a new dress. We did not like anything in her closet. Mom picked out the most beautiful dress. Grand mom’s favorite color was purple, the closest we could get was lavender; even her casket was a lavender color.
Back at Grand mom’s house we got her things together to drop off at the funeral home, make up, her new dress, jewelry even a purple scarf. We had to have everything dropped off to the funeral home by Thursday morning; we also had to give them a picture of Grand mom for the Mass cards. For the obituary we used an up to date photo but for the Mass cards we used a photo that was taken around 1950. Grand mom at the cove, this was her favorite picture of herself she always showed it off saying “Look at them legs.”
Dan and Sonya got into an argument early evening. My dad, Sonya, Michele and I were sitting at the table talking. Dad said that he has been living in a condo for several years and would like to live in Grand mom’s house. Sonya said fine but you will have to buy me out. My dad said that he did not have to…and it went back and forth until Aunt Sonya left. She came back awhile later, I was sitting out front smoking a cigarette and she said that she had an attorney’s appointment at 9 in the morning.
Dan was on his way with Missie and Robbie. Dan rented a motel room in Somers Point. I am glad he did because Lisa, Kayle and Stephanie flew in on Wed evening and were staying at Grand moms. Then the next day Jenny, Donna and her husband Greg arrived and were also staying at Grand moms. Aunt Sonya did not say that Michele and I have to find another place to stay but we felt that way. Grand mom only had one bathroom and I did not know where everyone was going to sleep.
Corey, Donna and little Corey arrived late Wednesday night but they were staying at Donna’s brother.
Thursday morning I thought that Dad and Aunt Sonya were going to go to the funeral home to drop Grand mom’s things off. Sonya left around 9 and said she would be back by 10. She came back around 10 and I said Grand mom’s stuff had to be dropped off at 10. I guess they just assumed that Michele and I were going to do it.
Thursday night right before Grand mom’s viewing Michele and mom went in before everybody else came to make sure Grand mom looked perfect. Michele fixed her scarf and put a tissue in her hand. Grand mom’s viewing was just for family and only lasted an hour. Grand mom looked so beautiful she looked like she was in her fifty’s. It was so hard to be sad when she looked so pretty.
Some of us put trinkets in her casket. Michele and I wrote a letter to Grand mom telling her how much we love her and how much we will miss her. Along with the letter I put a copy of Grand mom’s memoir. Corey put in taco bell wrappers (Grand mom loved taco’s) and Donna put in lottery tickets, Sonya put in a pack of cigarettes, I put in a picture of Grand mom and my dad and somehow Donna put in the same picture.
While sitting on the couch looking at Grand mom I noticed the teddy bear sitting alongside Grand mom. I do not know why I did not see it before. I wondered how it got there… Michele said it came home with her from the hospital and when the funeral home came to take Grand mom they took it with them. The funeral home put it in her casket.
We all walked across the street to the pub. One of Grand mom’s favorite places to eat. We got Grand mom the same table she sat at when we were all there last. In the back of the memoir I wrote there is a picture I took of her a few years ago when we were at the pub, she is making a piece sign and there is a flag behind her. The flag was still there.. a place mat, silverware and a 7 and 7 were placed in front on an empty chair.
Dan, Missie and Robbie finally arrived just as we were getting ready to order…good timing, they got stuck in traffic and did not make it to the viewing.
As we all left we took a drink of the 7 and 7 and I left a copy of the memoir. Most of the waitresses knew Grand mom, so I think they understood.
I went with Dan back to the motel and Michele went with Mom. It was weird; Michele and I spent 11 days together sleeping on air mattresses and the couch. Then….yes a bed!
Tomorrow is Grand mom’s funeral services at St. Vincent’s.
Friday…Grand mom’ s funeral the church service was beautiful, they played the song Grand mom’s hands by….. then the services began. Father Andrew the same father that came to Grand mom’s house said the mass. After the Mass we went to the grave site. It was a hot sunny day. Rob and Dave Sorrentino, Johnny, Corey, Robbie and Billy were pall barriers. They placed Grand mom by Grand pop. Flowers from the church were placed by the headstone. As the song I Can Only Imagine was playing I noticed all of the butterflies on the flowers then I heard a noise in the sky and my mom placed a hand on my shoulder and said “Look Up”. I looked up to see a military plane pass by, either my mom or Michele said “It’s Grand pop picking up Grand mom.” (Grand pop was in the navy and flew planes).
We all went back to Billy’s house for lunch and to “gather” we were there all afternoon. We were sitting at Billy’s dining room table, my mom, Michele, Donna Rotellini and I. Donna had a letter that she took from Grand mom’s house. This letter was written a long time ago by my Grandmother. The letter said something to the fact that when Grand mom passed Joanie could have her ruby earrings and her pearls. I had found this letter in a box Grand mom had when we got her wedding rings out. I had given the letter to Aunt Sonya and she put it on the table. When Donna came over to Grand moms before the viewing I gave her the letter to read. We wondered what happened to the ruby earrings because we could not find them, we were going to put in it Grand moms casket so she could bring them to Jonnie but I did know the pearl necklace and earrings were in the box. I did not know Donna took the letter.
So we were sitting at the table I do not remember how the conversation went but Donna was looking at the letter and said she thought that little Corey should have the pearl necklace and earrings because they were supposed to be Joanie’s and she had the letter to prove it.
The circus begins.
My dad made arrangements with Sonya to go thru the Mass cards the next morning at Grand mom’s house, just the two of them. When my dad went over there the next morning Sonya had all of her kids there even Rob and Dave and their wives. Corey happened to stop by there just as my dad was arriving and he texted me that everyone was there and he was going to stay because he did not like the fact that all of her crew were there and that I should come over as soon as I could. I told him that I was all the way in Somers Point and I thought that it was suppose to be just dad and Sonya. Corey also texted Billy so Billy was on his way there. Corey texted me back saying Sonya want to go thru Grand moms stuff and give her kids “memorabilia’s”. My dad called me…my suggestion NO! Tell everyone to leave. We just buried Grand mom yesterday and Sonya wants to give her stuff away! I guess my dad was overwhelmed and gave in.
Melissa, Robbie and I stopped over Grand moms later on in the afternoon. I thought all of the craziness would be over with. When I got there Sonya and my dad were in grand moms room, Sonya had a note pad and pen in her hand. I heard her say that she wanted to give her kids some things of Grand moms because they were leaving the next day and that they could give the remaining grand kids things the next day. Everyone was still there except Dave and his wife, they had left earlier because Dave wife’s mother was dying and she was being transferred to hospice.
We were only there a half an hour or so when Missie texted me “mom can we go now”. Yep let’s go. When we got into the car missie said “Mom, what is wrong with them people?” I said welcome to the other side of the family.
Michele was smart, when I called her that morning to tell her what was going on she said she wanted no part of it and left to go back to NY.
I was really upset. How could they be given out Grand mom’s things so soon?
I wish Dad would have listened to Michele and me and just locked up the house and tell everyone to leave.
After the kids and I left Grand moms I took them on a mini tour of Mays Landing. We walked in the park then around the block to my old grade school then I took them to the Mays Landing Diner. It was nice to spend time with them. My dad called and said he was at Billy’s so we went there for awhile and Robbie decided to spend the night there. Missie and I went over my mom’s for awhile then back to the motel. Missie and Robbie were flying home the next day.
My dad asked me to meet him over Grand moms the next day to go over the Mass cards and I said ok. After the kids were dropped off at the airport I went over there. Corey, Donna, Donna Sorrentino and her husband, Jenny, Billy, Sonya and my Dad were there. Donna wanted those pearls and to keep the piece Sonya gave them to her. She rubbed them on her teeth and I said “what are you doing?” and she said “if you rub them on your teeth and they do not squeak they are real.” I said I do not hear them squeaking.”
My Dad and Sonya called me into Grand mom’s room. They said they would like me to have Grand mom’s cedar chest and then Sonya opened on of Grand mom’s dresser drawers. It was filled with pictures, it never was before. She said I could have all of the pictures. I told them thank you but that I felt uncomfortable taking it since we just buried Grand mom and they said they understood. I thought about it for two days. I know how much Grand mom loved that cedar chest. Walking out of Grand mom’s room into the Dining area I noticed that her Virgin Mary and the holy water were taken from the wall. I was so upset I forget who told me that Laura, Dave’s wife took it. I was almost in tears….Grand mom would of flipped over several times if she knew Laura took it. Grand mom did not like her. Dad later told me that she wanted it because her mother was dying and that Sonya gave it to her. I did not notice it gone the day before, I think Corey told me Rob and Joann had taken it for her because Dave and Laura had to leave early. Michele bought that for Grand mom about 30 years ago and I was afraid to tell Michele that Laura took it. I still cannot believe it was taken off of grand mom’s wall. I had to leave, I could not take anymore. And now I felt guilty about that cedar chest, but I am her granddaughter and I was always there when Grand mom needed me. The Sorrentino’s never even called her, sent her flowers or get well cards when she was in the hospital even when she was in the hospital the time before.
I talked to Dan about it and he said: take it before someone else does and who knows what will happen to it, it will make a great storage place for all of your family history stuff and we have the truck now. So I decided to take it. The next day we loaded it in the truck. As I was putting the pictures in the cedar chest I found some neat stuff, a civil war certificate of an honorable discharge on my great great grandfather James Harvey Halley and a very old picture of my Grand father’s sister that he never met because she died when she was around 8.
I also noticed there was a picture taken off of Grand mom’s wall; Dad said he does not know who took it. I looked around Grand mom’s house; I felt it would be the last time I would be there.
It has been two weeks since Grand mom died and the war between my Dan and Aunt Sonya is still on. Mostly on my Dad’s side. Sonya got an attorney because my Dad had said he wanted the house and she said that he would have to buy her out. My Dad came back with No I do not. I do not blame her for hiring an attorney this way at least they do not have to communicate with each other.
All my Dad keeps saying is that it is not a money issue; he just wants Billy to have the house. Isn’t that almost the same thing? This is not the first time I heard him say this. When Michele and I were at Grand mom’s house in February I was telling Billy how great of a job he did on the outside of Grand mom’s house. He said “it is to my benefit.” I did not really know what he meant until later in the evening when we were at Billy’s house Dad, Billy, Michele and I were sitting at the table eating pizza when out of the blue dad said “I just want you girls to know that if something happens to Grand mom, Billy gets the house.” I just kept eating and out of the corner of my eyes I thought I saw Michele choke on her pizza. Michele and I did not say a word until later when we went into the other room; she turned to me and said. “I am so pissed.” I said “me too.” We both felt the same way…why does Billy get the house?? I guess my Dad forgets he has two daughters not that we want anything but it has always been about Billy. Like I always say “my brother is my father’s son.
